sometimes i wonder why i put myself through the things i do. why i put up with some of the things that i put up with. yesterday might have been one of the crumbiest days to date and it was supposed to be one of the most fun exciting happy days to date. funny how every time i plan on something or expect something to happen or hope something goes a certain way, 9 times out of 10, it goes the exact opposite direction of the way i wanted it to. maybe i should just start hoping for shitty days. then i'd be on cloud 9 all the time i imagine. what have i been saying? you can't rely on anyone but yourself. so why am i letting this other person in and mess with that?
i'm so sick of secrets.
i'm so sick of lies.
i'm so sick of not being in control of certain things that i should have control over.
i'm so sick of putting myself out there.
i'm so sick of putting up with things i should not have to put up with.
i'm so sick of my crazy up and down lifestyle habits.
i'm so sick of the rollercoaster ride that i put myself on...
yet for some reason the thrill of that ride keeps me coming back for more... and more... even when it has me spinning out of control and sick to my stomach most of the times... that happy high at the end of it all keeps me wanting more... ugh. ride on.
