the word love scares the bajeezus out of me i've realized... whenever i think something is turning into anything at all, i instantly get this gut reaction to run the opposite direction to avoid falling in said word that scares me. i need to stop this. it is not fair to me or anyone else in my life. it is not fair to make assumptions based on past experiences. especially when it's with a completely different scenario with completely different characters ad a completely different life. in high school, i used to get SO upset when my mom would tell me "im just going on past experience..." in my mind i always used to think, "that's not fair because i've grown up some, i learned from that, im smarter, older, wiser, better... i know what not to do." well funny thing is, i find i am more & more like my mom & dad each and every day. in both good and bad ways. if something like that used to tick me off so much, who am i to do just that exact thing to someone else? especially considering the "past experience" was with a completely different person in the first place!? how unfair is that. EXTREMELY. i need to stop that. i have a trust issue now. that is a fact. but that does not mean it cannot work to be fixed. no point in any sort of self sabbotage. im going to be better than that. bigger than that. i am not going to judge and be scared for no reason whatsoever. i am going to hope to the Lord above that this is indeed a different person and the same past experience will not reoccur... i know it won't. if nothing else, i can trust myself and my gut, right? im going to do that...
.................................................................................................................... im falling in like.
YIKES. dont run. dont panic. just breathe. and a smile never killed anyone. :)
good thing i can't wipe this one off my face.
