curiosity

is that too much to ask? drama free is the way to be. i want to get there.

my life is nuts right now. so much accusation, so much trust broken, so many people assuming things about me even when theyve known me for 3 years and know the kind of person i am... im over it all. i am not perfect. i like to run away from my problems. i wish that i could run away from all of this, and i would in a heartbeat... if it wasnt for the fact that there is something at the end of all this drama that has my interest. has all of my attention something that's got me curious. something that makes me want to know more. something that MIGHT be worth the drama... we will see.

no matter what though, i need to remember that whatever happens, i have myself. and that's all i need. i do not need others for satisfaction in life. i have all i need. but it sure as hell provides some excitement and entertainment for the time being. i'm beginning to wonder if my heart can be broken ever agin. i feel like i am immune to so much now. the word love has no meaning in my dictionary right now. its a weird, yet wonderful feeling right now. the only thing on the other end of love is me in my mind. i love me right now. and that's all i need to love. i am number one. i am going to get what i want and do what i want to do. having some company along the way won't kill me though. :) just sayin.

numb.

don't wait.

put yourself first. think with your heart. think with your head. do what you feel is best for you, now and in the long run. live the life that you want. live the life that makes you happy. if you aren't smiling all the time, something isn't right. change it. fix it. do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. you can only control the way you live and the way you feel. so take control, go out there, put a smile on your face, and live.

here's to saturday

something new. something exciting. something different.

that's what i have right now and i am on cloud 9. absolutely loving my life right now. just so you all know. sorry for the lack of posts. life is calling. you understand :)

don't let them bring you down

im currently watching the view, which i NEVER ever watch because i can't stand it. 5 women bitching, please, you can get that anywhere with any 5 women, why waste time watching it on TV? well i was in the kitchen busy, it came on as background noise, so i just let it be. It caught my attention with 2 things... the cast of jersey shore and octo-mom. as i watch both of these stories, i realize something. everyone, and i mean EVERYONE, loves to watch a train wreck. everyone loves seeing something go down in flames from a distance, but no one wants to be that center of attention. now, this is an interesting concept to me. it's almost as if everyone that doesn't truly know and love you wants to see if you've got what it takes to survive. they want to watch you fail. they want to be able to chat about you over coffee or drinks with friends. they want to be able to point at you and say "she/he did or did not do...*fill in the blanks*" everyone loves gossip. everyone loves a story. i will admit, i am guilty of just that. 2 thoughts come about with this...

1. i am going to try to avoid being the one that talks of someone else's life and life choices. it is their business and it is by no means yours to judge or point fingers. i am not perfect. neither are they...

2. don't worry about what other people think. they are not perfect. they just want to talk. if they want to waste their time judging mine, so be it. take it as somewhat of an honor really. they feel you are important enough to talk about! ha.

you are living your own life. don't let anyone tell you what to do or let them affect you and the wonderful life you are leading. go out and live the way you want to.

new day, new me

yes it is indeed. :) feeling better today. the sun is out. it's friday. my "birthday" dinner/celebration is tonight. i woke up for pilates. made cinnamon rolls. about to head out for a 9.1 mile run. some physique 57. shopping with the girls later. getting ready. all in all, it's bound to be a wonderful day. :) things are looking up in "me" land!

happy weekend everyone!

blahhhhhh :P

sorry for being MIA. i am in a rut. i am slowly getting myself out of said rut, but it is taking much longer than usual. i am sad. i am not myself. i am unmotivated. i am unhappy. :( i'm not really sure what is wrong with me, but i am trying to figure it out and get out of this terrible, awful, no good, very bad day...week...month? :P i'm sorry, no inspiration coming my way tonight, but i hope to be back soon. the fact that i am posting this is a step in the right direction, so hopefully i'll be back very very soon. until then, keep living, keep doing what you do. love life for me, while i'm MIA.

peace & love.

writing it now.

it's my party & i'll cry if i want to

it's my 21st birthday today!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

too bad it's a monday. and all my friends have classes/midterms/rehearsals. and it's raining cats and dogs. and did i mention it's MONDAY?? the ultimate monday indeed. the kind where you don't want to get out of bed all day and listen to jack johnson and knit by candlelight. THAT kind of monday. but i won't let it get me down! i think this will turn into my birthday MONTH because since all of my friends have different schedules i will end up celebrating at several random times. which is totally ok by me. :)

going out toniiiiiiiight.

live it up, do it big.

happy me day everyone!

obsession.

brilliance.