the ups & downs

why do we as women give so much power to the male species? somehow they manage to control our thoughts & emotions & feelings & we just let it happen. why is it so difficult to be happy when you have so much good going on in your life, but yet you dont know what the man in your life is thinking & that brings you down from that cloud 9 you should be on... why can't we think like them and just not care and brush things off so easily. why is it so easy for them to not let one single thing we do affect their mood & day? they know it'll all be fine tomorrow. as is 99% of the time true. but we want answers. we want to know that it's all good NOW. not tomorrow. patience. ugh. why can we not keep that empowered feeling all the time and never let a look or a text or a phone call or a word or a statement get in our heads and get us down. why is that sooooo difficult for women? so up. so down. such a rollercoaster. dont get me wrong, it certainly keeps me on my toes, that's for certain... & i do love that thrill... but i just really wish my mood was not so easily affected. why do i have to care so much?

geez. just gotta shake it off. not worry so much & just live MY life. why is it so clear when i sit here & type it out or when i'm out on an afternoon jog? why can't i keep that clear mind allllll the time. i need to do more yoga i think. yes, that is the answer. yoga, running, pilates, dancing. they fix everything. me. me. me. it's all about me. remember it. dont forget it. play their game & win. you know you're worth that & deserve that & are wayyyyy better than that. so don't forget it. k? k.

in other news... i had a thrill of a weekend. whew.

to sum it up in a few short statements...

old no. 7 was my best friend.

old no. 7 was my caloric intake. total.

old no. 7 was my fun train.

locked doors. x2, 1 bad, 1 very VERY good.

lesbians with hands & pickup lines

carrie underwood compliments galore.

dum dums & gum.

baseball alumni in love.

doughnuts & m&ms.

sneaking out of windows.

a nice hot shower.

& a taco bell mexi pizza.

all in all, success in fun land was accomplished.

i do love life. the ups, the downs, the crazies, the happys, the dramas, the everythings.

i love it all.

toughen up

i have GOT to stop thinking so much. i have GOT to stop being such a girl. what is my problem. i'm about to ruin things for myself. who am i right now. take a chill pill. be yourself don't worry about everyone else. don't worry about anything. stick to your way of thinking and knowing everything happens for a reason. chill. out. be tough. don't be stupid. but at the same time don't let anyone make you feel you are except yourself. in fact, just don't let anyone make you feel stupid. you're not. sheesh. chill out.

a perfect night. or not.

Well tell me what you're starin' at

What it is, where it's at

I wanna know

Yeah I know what you'll probly say

You'll find your own way but I wanna hear you tell me so

So come down off your throne

Yeah we don't really wanna be alone

It's such a perfect night

A perfect night for losin'

A perfect night for fallin down

Perfect night for stayin somewhere else

Get me outta my head

What was the last thing that ya said?

I'm slipping over the edge and I don't wanna hear you tell me to pull myself back in

It's such a perfect night

Well I've been cursed, I have been blessed

And I admit I've been obsessed with you

Yeah I like how you can stand alone

You're bitter into the bone, I know it's true

It makes me wanna be near you

Yeah just to see what you might do

It's such a perfect night

A perfect night for losin'

A perfect night for fallin down

Perfect night for stayin somewhere else

Get me outta my head

What was the last thing that ya said?

I'm slipping over the edge and I don't wanna hear you tell me to pull myself back in

It's such a perfect night

get it out

sometimes i wonder why i put myself through the things i do. why i put up with some of the things that i put up with. yesterday might have been one of the crumbiest days to date and it was supposed to be one of the most fun exciting happy days to date. funny how every time i plan on something or expect something to happen or hope something goes a certain way, 9 times out of 10, it goes the exact opposite direction of the way i wanted it to. maybe i should just start hoping for shitty days. then i'd be on cloud 9 all the time i imagine. what have i been saying? you can't rely on anyone but yourself. so why am i letting this other person in and mess with that?

i'm so sick of secrets.

i'm so sick of lies.

i'm so sick of not being in control of certain things that i should have control over.

i'm so sick of putting myself out there.

i'm so sick of putting up with things i should not have to put up with.

i'm so sick of my crazy up and down lifestyle habits.

i'm so sick of the rollercoaster ride that i put myself on...

yet for some reason the thrill of that ride keeps me coming back for more... and more... even when it has me spinning out of control and sick to my stomach most of the times... that happy high at the end of it all keeps me wanting more... ugh. ride on.

not inferior

" No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "

- Eleanor Roosevelt -

lies

what am i doing. what am i thinking.

wish i had an answer for that.

back to the grind

i checked off something on my 21 list a few weeks back. :) and something else that was on my life bucket list. i'm pretty happy about that. and i'd like to say i'm pretty ha[[y with life in general right now, which i am... except i don't have that cloud 9 feeling. and i know exactly why i don't. it's because i've eaten anything and everything in sight lately. haha. not quite really, just close. so of course, here i go again, gettin back on track. i want to be as happy as i was in the spring when i was in the best shape of my life. so i'm going to handle that. and i'm going to boot camp myself for awhile.

1. No sugar for a month.

2. No to very little carbs, unless it's fruits and veggies.

3. Cardio every day. Running, biking, spinning, kickboxing.

4. Strength training. Hard core.

That's the plan. Gettin back to it, gettin back to the grind. back in rockette shape, it's about that time again people. :) that's all i have for you for now, i'll start posting more and keepin updated on how it's going. chat soon!

be you perfectly

so i've been thinking and it is time for a refresher. i've kind of let myself get caught up in one particular thing as of late and i have snapped back into reality that i need to live my life for me. for a minute i fell back into my old ways of pleasing other people. well, let me just tell you, NO MORE. i am leaving for North Carolina in a week and a half and until then, i am devoting my days to living my best life. i am going to eat healthy, be healthy, and focus on the positives in my life. i am going to focus on being the me i want to be and the me i know that i am rather than trying to be someone else. i am good enough. i am better. i worth that much. i deserve that. i owe that to myself. fell off the train for a bit, but let me tell you, i am BACK in action ladies & gents!

independence

confidence

freedom

motivation

inspiration

perfection

these things are going to be my focus once again. and of course a little sunshine never hurt anyone either :) live well people. dont fall into the trap, remember when you are happiest and have been the happiest and focus on that. work on being a better you always.

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press onto the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."

thats on my facebook and my life motto. sometimes i forget it. i remembered just now. :)

simple pleasures

• Letting your hair free from a pony-tail at the end of the day.
• That smooth sensation you get all over your body right after you shave.
• Taking your bra off after a long day.
• Getting ready for a day you been looking forward to.
• Chillin’ at home, no make-up, bed hair, basketball shorts, in front of the TV snacking endlessly on junk food.
• Knowing it’s your last day of your menstrual cycle.
• Going through your bags of new clothes… that were on sale!

a letter to men

by Christina Hendricks

“

We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.

Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.

We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the
street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about
whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.

We also remember everything you say about our bodies, be it good or bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment. Could be just a comment. Those things you say are stored away in the steel
box, and we remember these things verbatim. We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it.

Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.

Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.

We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.

Also, no tank tops. In public at least. A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.

No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.

You don’t know this, but when we come back from a date, we feel awkward about that transition from our cute outfit into sexy lingerie. We don’t know how to do this gracefully. It’s embarrassing. We have to find a way to slip into another room, put on the outfit as if it all happened very easily, and then come out and it’s: Look at me! Look at the sexy thing I’ve done! For you, it’s the blink of an eye. It’s all very embarrassing. Just so you know.

Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.

About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.

There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.

Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.

“