whine less, breathe more

i especially need to focus on the whine less part of this. i really have complained about a lot lately. i need to chill out and just live. everything is going to work out how it's supposed to. enjoy the ride.

adorable.

i am STILL stuck inside. and STILL waiting on confirmation from my apartment that i actually CAN move in on wednesday. if this for some reason falls through, you can bet your life that all HELL will break loose in ME-land. i will not be a very happy camper. i will drive to oklahoma city and live in my car. at this point i do not care. i just need to get the heck out of here.

before. i. go. CRAZY.

bored out of my mind, but this will make you smile. i think i've watched it 80 times and it never gets old. absolutely adorable.

enjoy the ride

be me, whoever that is

i'm. still. stuck. inside. AWFUL.

i'm going a little crazy i have to admit. it's terrible. all of my friends are snowed in together having a grand old time and i am stuck doing absolutely nothing. :P i was very angry last night about the situation. i had a very "life's not fair" attitude and i'll admit i wanted nothing more than to throw a bit temper tantrum and scream like a 4 year old girl. i then took a step outside of myself, took a deep breath, realized i looked very ridiculous, stepped back in, and calmed down. my overthinking-overanalyzing brain started to do just that last night of course. i started having a freak out of questions like...

"what if i don't fit back in when i move back?

what if i'm out of place?

what if moving back was a bad idea?

what if everyone has inside jokes that i don't get?

what if they've all gotten super close and i'm left the awkward silent girl in the corner?

what if i dress too weird now?

what if i stand out and seem out of place?"

so i had that freak out moment... again, stepped back, looked at myself, and realized how retarded i am being. i then started to answer all of the questions i just asked myself...

-i'm not going to "fit back in" right away, because i have grown and matured in ways that they couldn't have being gone & all, but that doesn't mean they won't still love me.

-i will be different than the normal ocu girl, but not out of place. they know me for me, they love me for me.

-moving back was not a bad idea. but be prepared to make an adjustment. remember, YOU are the most important thing in your life. live it for you.

-they'll have inside jokes, yes. laugh it off, and make new ones. it's a new day, don't live for yesterday, create memories now.

-this one is RIDICULOUS. yes, they've gotten closer. but think about how close you got with everyone in that one concert night? it won't take long. and you will NOT be the awkward girl in the corner. don't be stupid. CONFIDENCE. don't forget about it. you've got it. work it.

-you will definitely dress "weird" but even if they give you a hard time, know they all think it's hot that you wear what you want and are confident about it. AND all the girls will be jealous anyways. ha. that was kind of rude of me. not jealous, but they'll appreciate it i guess i should say.

-you WILL stand out. enjoy it! live it up!! you won't be out of place, you'll just be the center of attention for a little while. just glisten, smile confidently, and love every second of the stand out moments :)

now how retarded was i being? very. i seriously need to remember who i am and what i've got going for me. remember that no matter what happens, i have ME and that's all that matters. i am in control of my own life and my own actions. i am in charge of my actions and reactions to everything. i can live my best life every day or i can be a mental case and worry constantly and be stupid. similar to last year. i do not want to go through that again, so i have to take control and not let that happen. easy as pie. :) live life, love life. laugh a lot. that whole "live, laugh, love" mantra is sooo very true.

a little confidence inspiration. read this, loved it. enjoy.

~~

what if you could buy self confidence in a jar. take twice a day, with a full glass of tea; do not take on an empty stomach. now this would not be self confidence in the form of mood elevating drugs or weight loss supplements. more of a jar, you could open up & it whispers beautiful things to you. confidence is such an alluring quality in creatures & really, everyone should feel confident. you're alive, that makes you beautiful. everyone is beautiful. slight things make you beautiful. that speck of gold on your otherwise green eyes, that freckle the shape of maine, the gap in your teeth, the fullness of your body. everyone is beautiful. if this is true, why is it so impossible to feel sometimes? we sink our skin into bathtubs of luke warm water searching for our flaws. the superficial reason he/she might not fall in love with you. we don't look within towards the passion in our blood- the things people will actually fall in love with. looks fade & anyone can fall in lust with a look. it's trite but true that in the long run that is not what you want in a mate. you want someone who intrigues you, makes you a better person, someone who compliments your very existence. if self confidence could be purchased in a jar it might say your heart beats like a rabbit & you glow when you smile. it might say the way your brain works is extraordinary, you notice things everyone else is too busy to see. it might just whisper you're breathing, you…are…alive.

ice ice baby

obsessed with sienna miller. especially in the movie alfie with jude law. who, speaking of, she is apparently back together with. makes me so very happy. they are so sexy. and need to be wed. and make babies. lots of babies. they would be beautiful. ha. however at the same time, a part of me likes the mystery of the 2 sexy singles. are they together? are they not? no one knows, but it doesn't matter because we can't take our eyes off of them. haha.

another new obsession. i can't get enough of passion pit, vampire weekend, and blackgold right now. check them out if you're not already totally into them like myself. you will fall in love. i promise.

i'm snowed into my parents home. lovely. or i suppose i should say ICED in, because it is definitely not pretty white snow. i'm going craaaaazzzzzzzy. and of course ALL of my friends are having a BLAST. i want to be there so bad. but instead, i sit here, bored, with nothing to do but pack. which i guess is a good thing. this weather BETTER be clear by monday. i will get a salt shaker and walk my ass to the city if i have to. bah ha. that is a lie. but you see my desperation, yes? new beginnins need to happen now.

aaaaaand i need to not eat ever again. HA. i've done nothing but eat like a fatty all day. and i've kiiiiind of loved it. but i will not tomorrow. lol. so no more. need to be hot hot HOT! haha. whatever. okie dokie. i obviously have NO point to this blog whatsoever. talk latersssss.

much love.

looking good

yep. :) watch and think of me. heh heh.

used all mine

"...do you miss him?"

"...everyday. but you know what's weird, i haven't cried very much at all. maybe you're only allowed a certain amount of tears per man and i've used mine up."

- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

i watched sex and the city today while i was packing up and going through things in my room. i have yet to cry over my situation. that movie was written for me for right now i think. i've always felt my relationship resembles Carrie & Big's. Especially the non committal part. and then there's the whole "i slept with another woman" part. she forgives him in the end though... hmmm.... needless to say i did A LOT of thinking today. *sigh*

ready for bff time

i cannot wait to be reunited with my best friends.

i cannot wait to be with the people who make me laugh, & laugh, & laugh.

i cannot wait to spend countless hours talking about nothing.

i cannot wait for girl's nights & nights on the town.

i cannot wait for lazy days of nothing together.

i cannot wait for the inside jokes & more laughs.

i cannot wait for the memories that will be made.

i. cannot. wait.

i believe in me.

sooooooooo i need to get a little story off my chest. feel free to ignore this. it's really just personal.....

i was told last night that i am too skinny. and i was called "skinny mini" . i was lectured about past friends & girlfriends who dealt with anorexia and bulimia. i was told i am nothing but muscle and bones and if i lost any weight at all... well, i just can't. THEN i was told it's ok because i'll get "fat again" once i move back. Mind you, when i was there before i was given a hard time by this same person about eating too much. i was told to eat less. constantly. i was told "you don't need to eat that" so many times i can't even tell you how many. OK. does anyone else see a problem in this situation? i am HAPPY with my body right now. i am in the best shape i have EVER been in my entire life. i ran 6 miles straight today for the first time ever and then turned around and did kickboxing FULL OUT. i am skinny right now. i know this. i've worked hard for it. and i am going to continue working harder and harder every day to improve more and more. IF i get skinnier, it is because i am literally working my butt off and eating HEALTHY. NOT because i am anorexic or bulimic or doing anything unhealthy at all. i like the way my body is right now. i'm going to do everything i can to keep it DESPITE what anyone says to me about it. however if for some reason i do not keep this body and gain some weight, THAT should be ok too. i should not be given a hard time about it, right? it's my body. it's my life. last year, i went through a HARD time and gained ohhhh about 2o pounds. and i did not even care. but ya know what made me care? this stupid person. who for some reason knows how to make me feel about an inch tall no matter what i look like. that is not ok. and you know what? i'm not going to let it happen anymore. ever. again. my body is mine and mine alone. i should be able to be happy with it, no matter what it looks like. it's a little difficult to do that when you have someone constantly pointing out what's wrong with it. i'm too skinny, i'm a big girl, i need to eat more, i need to eat less. make up your f***ing mind already. it's not fair to me. keep it to yourself because i don't care. i am skinny right now and i am HAPPY. so you should be happy for me too, not giving me a hard time about it. therefore, keep your opinions about MY body to yourself. surprise of the century, you are not perfect either. so leave me alone and let me deal with it myself, k? k thanks.

now with THAT out of the way, i don't know if you caught that in there but today i ran 6 MILES without stopping to walk one single time. i ran it in 50 minutes. not too bad if i do say so myself. i am very proud of me for that. getting closer to my half marathon training FOR SURE. and you know what? after the 6, i certainly felt like i could have kept going. i was barely even winded! i just ran out of time. THEN i finished kick boxing with FLYING colors. and even after an hour of a kick-butt kickboxing, i felt like i could have hopped on the treadmill and run MORE. i am well on my way to running a half marathon :) 21 list is already making plenty of progress AND it's only january. LIKE. a lot.

i have never let ANYONE tell me i can't do something. and in the past few months, i've given into that a little bit. but you know what, it's stopping today. right now. no more. it only makes me work harder. the motivated, hard working, passionate, i-can-do-anything alli is BACK and ready for the TEN! (2010 that is)

RANDOM thought of the day- during kickboxing, towards the end of class when i was feeling on top of the world, i thought to myself "how cool would it be to be an action movie body double?" random i know. and most definitely fearless. hmm...... just a thought :)

believe in yourself. no matter what anyone ever tells you.

sunday funday

i believe that honesty is the best policy.

i believe that hard work, dedication, and passion will get you whatever you want.

i believe happiness is success.

i believe that trust is the most important thing in life.

i believe i can have whatever i want.

i believe i deserve the very best.

i believe a can of diet coke or a mug of tea can instantly fix any bad day.

i believe in loving deeply and getting the same in return.

i believe that knitting and crafting make time better.

i believe in the power of a good soundtrack and a glass of wine.

i believe that dancing is the best form of therapy.

i believe that sweating it out in a long run can release stress.

i believe that there is a country song for every emotion i am feeling.

i believe in honesty is more important than monogamy.

i believe in getting flowers for no reason at all.

i believe that the best things happen late at night and early in the morning.

i believe that time does not heal all wounds, but rather teaches us to live.

i believe the soft touch of strong hands has heeling powers.

words i currently like\\\ lovebird. delicious. fucklehead. fearless.

things i currently like///daisies. the color pink, bright pink. blueberry green tea. john mayer's who says video.

it was BEAUTIFUL outside today. made me want to ride my bike. or take a picnic to the lake with my girlfriends. or drive with the windows down and blast country music. or watch a baseball game & eat a hotdog. or put on a sundress and bright cardigan and my keds. but most of all it gave me spring fever! which in turn put me in a wonderful mood all day. spring is nearing (well, sort of...) and i CANNOT wait!

this is a happy sunday post. no real purpose to it. i move in a week :D