i'm. still. stuck. inside. AWFUL.
i'm going a little crazy i have to admit. it's terrible. all of my friends are snowed in together having a grand old time and i am stuck doing absolutely nothing. :P i was very angry last night about the situation. i had a very "life's not fair" attitude and i'll admit i wanted nothing more than to throw a bit temper tantrum and scream like a 4 year old girl. i then took a step outside of myself, took a deep breath, realized i looked very ridiculous, stepped back in, and calmed down. my overthinking-overanalyzing brain started to do just that last night of course. i started having a freak out of questions like...
"what if i don't fit back in when i move back?
what if i'm out of place?
what if moving back was a bad idea?
what if everyone has inside jokes that i don't get?
what if they've all gotten super close and i'm left the awkward silent girl in the corner?
what if i dress too weird now?
what if i stand out and seem out of place?"
so i had that freak out moment... again, stepped back, looked at myself, and realized how retarded i am being. i then started to answer all of the questions i just asked myself...
-i'm not going to "fit back in" right away, because i have grown and matured in ways that they couldn't have being gone & all, but that doesn't mean they won't still love me.
-i will be different than the normal ocu girl, but not out of place. they know me for me, they love me for me.
-moving back was not a bad idea. but be prepared to make an adjustment. remember, YOU are the most important thing in your life. live it for you.
-they'll have inside jokes, yes. laugh it off, and make new ones. it's a new day, don't live for yesterday, create memories now.
-this one is RIDICULOUS. yes, they've gotten closer. but think about how close you got with everyone in that one concert night? it won't take long. and you will NOT be the awkward girl in the corner. don't be stupid. CONFIDENCE. don't forget about it. you've got it. work it.
-you will definitely dress "weird" but even if they give you a hard time, know they all think it's hot that you wear what you want and are confident about it. AND all the girls will be jealous anyways. ha. that was kind of rude of me. not jealous, but they'll appreciate it i guess i should say.
-you WILL stand out. enjoy it! live it up!! you won't be out of place, you'll just be the center of attention for a little while. just glisten, smile confidently, and love every second of the stand out moments :)
now how retarded was i being? very. i seriously need to remember who i am and what i've got going for me. remember that no matter what happens, i have ME and that's all that matters. i am in control of my own life and my own actions. i am in charge of my actions and reactions to everything. i can live my best life every day or i can be a mental case and worry constantly and be stupid. similar to last year. i do not want to go through that again, so i have to take control and not let that happen. easy as pie. :) live life, love life. laugh a lot. that whole "live, laugh, love" mantra is sooo very true.
a little confidence inspiration. read this, loved it. enjoy.
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what if you could buy self confidence in a jar. take twice a day, with a full glass of tea; do not take on an empty stomach. now this would not be self confidence in the form of mood elevating drugs or weight loss supplements. more of a jar, you could open up & it whispers beautiful things to you. confidence is such an alluring quality in creatures & really, everyone should feel confident. you're alive, that makes you beautiful. everyone is beautiful. slight things make you beautiful. that speck of gold on your otherwise green eyes, that freckle the shape of maine, the gap in your teeth, the fullness of your body. everyone is beautiful. if this is true, why is it so impossible to feel sometimes? we sink our skin into bathtubs of luke warm water searching for our flaws. the superficial reason he/she might not fall in love with you. we don't look within towards the passion in our blood- the things people will actually fall in love with. looks fade & anyone can fall in lust with a look. it's trite but true that in the long run that is not what you want in a mate. you want someone who intrigues you, makes you a better person, someone who compliments your very existence. if self confidence could be purchased in a jar it might say your heart beats like a rabbit & you glow when you smile. it might say the way your brain works is extraordinary, you notice things everyone else is too busy to see. it might just whisper you're breathing, you…are…alive.
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