i believe in me.

sooooooooo i need to get a little story off my chest. feel free to ignore this. it's really just personal.....

i was told last night that i am too skinny. and i was called "skinny mini" . i was lectured about past friends & girlfriends who dealt with anorexia and bulimia. i was told i am nothing but muscle and bones and if i lost any weight at all... well, i just can't. THEN i was told it's ok because i'll get "fat again" once i move back. Mind you, when i was there before i was given a hard time by this same person about eating too much. i was told to eat less. constantly. i was told "you don't need to eat that" so many times i can't even tell you how many. OK. does anyone else see a problem in this situation? i am HAPPY with my body right now. i am in the best shape i have EVER been in my entire life. i ran 6 miles straight today for the first time ever and then turned around and did kickboxing FULL OUT. i am skinny right now. i know this. i've worked hard for it. and i am going to continue working harder and harder every day to improve more and more. IF i get skinnier, it is because i am literally working my butt off and eating HEALTHY. NOT because i am anorexic or bulimic or doing anything unhealthy at all. i like the way my body is right now. i'm going to do everything i can to keep it DESPITE what anyone says to me about it. however if for some reason i do not keep this body and gain some weight, THAT should be ok too. i should not be given a hard time about it, right? it's my body. it's my life. last year, i went through a HARD time and gained ohhhh about 2o pounds. and i did not even care. but ya know what made me care? this stupid person. who for some reason knows how to make me feel about an inch tall no matter what i look like. that is not ok. and you know what? i'm not going to let it happen anymore. ever. again. my body is mine and mine alone. i should be able to be happy with it, no matter what it looks like. it's a little difficult to do that when you have someone constantly pointing out what's wrong with it. i'm too skinny, i'm a big girl, i need to eat more, i need to eat less. make up your f***ing mind already. it's not fair to me. keep it to yourself because i don't care. i am skinny right now and i am HAPPY. so you should be happy for me too, not giving me a hard time about it. therefore, keep your opinions about MY body to yourself. surprise of the century, you are not perfect either. so leave me alone and let me deal with it myself, k? k thanks.

now with THAT out of the way, i don't know if you caught that in there but today i ran 6 MILES without stopping to walk one single time. i ran it in 50 minutes. not too bad if i do say so myself. i am very proud of me for that. getting closer to my half marathon training FOR SURE. and you know what? after the 6, i certainly felt like i could have kept going. i was barely even winded! i just ran out of time. THEN i finished kick boxing with FLYING colors. and even after an hour of a kick-butt kickboxing, i felt like i could have hopped on the treadmill and run MORE. i am well on my way to running a half marathon :) 21 list is already making plenty of progress AND it's only january. LIKE. a lot.

i have never let ANYONE tell me i can't do something. and in the past few months, i've given into that a little bit. but you know what, it's stopping today. right now. no more. it only makes me work harder. the motivated, hard working, passionate, i-can-do-anything alli is BACK and ready for the TEN! (2010 that is)

RANDOM thought of the day- during kickboxing, towards the end of class when i was feeling on top of the world, i thought to myself "how cool would it be to be an action movie body double?" random i know. and most definitely fearless. hmm...... just a thought :)

believe in yourself. no matter what anyone ever tells you.