me, me, me

i've already posted once today. but i have sooooo much on my mind. and i need to talk it out to someone. i learned another lesson today in doing things yourself and depending on nobody but you. i need some reliable people in my life. until then, i will continue doing things on my own. i need to learn that this is totally ok. very difficult at times, but totally ok. anyways, it's list making time.

what's on my mind

1. getting a single apartment in oklahoma city.

-the cost of rent for 6 months is about $4000. yikes.

- add the cost of gas, groceries, electric, cell phone bill, internet. yikes.

-getting furniture for said apartment. yikes.

2. getting a job/ form of income while living in okc

-applying for unemployment

-getting my pilates certification

-finding a dance studio to teach classes at

-auditions for lyric

3. decorating my apartment

-wall of framed art (vera ellen, black & white photos, radio city stuff, flowers)

-television/dvd player

-couch, chairs, table set, bed, bedside table, mirror

-bedspread, pillows, blanket throw

4. trying to figure out if i might be better off alone... hm.

-sometimes i'm more motivated/driven alone

-i find it easier to make decisions alone without outside factors

-one less thing to stress about...

oy... that last one is a doozy. and quite honestly there are soooo many more factors that go into, i don't even know where to begin... i have much thinking to do about that. why is the real world so difficult? nothing is easy or perfect by ay means. not that i want things to be perfect or easy, cause i know that would get boring, but i certainly wouldn't mind things falling into place a little bit better. but that is too much to ask i think.

one things is for sure. i need to focus on ME. i need to make decisions and do all my thinking based on what i want. i'm learning that at this point in my life, nothing is certain. i need to be selfish. i need to learn how to put myself and my feelings before others. and that is SO hard for me. but i need to learn. if i dont want to be hurt then i need to learn to defend myself and look out for myself. be my own best friend.

projects for 2010

1. decorate my apartment

2. marathon training

3. scrapbook

4. learn to knit

5. work on my blog

6. pilates certification

7. go to ballet classes

8. go to yoga classes

9. drink green tea.

10. eat healthy.

all things for me ^^^ i like that. i want to keep that.

oh and i have a new hero. i've always loved her, but watched white christmas the other night and realized yet again that vera allen is perfect. beautiful. i love her. i want to be like her when i grow up.

geez louise. her legs. i'm a rockette and i'm envious of HER legs. that's saying something. ha. pure perfection.